Being Aware vs being Proud of weaknesses

I don’t understand how can some be proud of their weakness or sin.

I was recently forced into listening to someone’s coversation because we were sitting at the same table. Long story short, the person (let’s just namr her Su for clarity’s sake) was still complaining and quite obviously badmouthing about others. It wasn’t a one-off rant; it was at night and she had been repeating herself to different individuals throughout the day. In a moment of tiredness I lost myself and raised my voice at her, “that’s enough!”

Then, a moment of silence. Then the reply, “shut up. I have all the rights to talk about them.”

Let me just put this across: there is a difference between letting off steam by ranting, and plain wanting to let others know all the wrongs others have done. You would think that a full day worth of complains about the same group of people and about the same incident would be enough as a stress reliever, especially after some of  her “audiences” actually tried to clear up some misunderstanding and gently shift her views a little. Apparently it wasn’t enough.

No one has the right to badmouth or even gossip about others freely. Are we all not equally flawed? “For all have fallen short of the glory of God”, who are we to be righteous in speaking ill about others? 

I do understand that the people under the unknown verbal attack were wrong in their actions and words, and that Su was also very much affected by their behaviour, but there should still be a line drawn for expressing your opinions about others.

Then there’s the other point: there’s a difference between knowing your weakness, and being proud of it. One is recognising the need for change and improvement, the latter is deluding yourself that no improvement is needed, often at the expense of your own personality and others.

This is not the first time Su has so freely cussed about people; when being approached about what seems to have become a standard protocol for her, her defense is usually along the lines of “I don’t care, they’re wrong, and I have to right to do so because I’m offended.”

As just mentioned, yes, such arrogance of yourself does impact those around you. For Su, personally I have tried to stay away from the many things that she’s involved in as much as possible. Reason being that it’s not very effective working around such a negative person who may already been giving you the same treatment, also that it’ll definitely start warping the way you view others and behave.

Bottom-line is, there’s a distinction between knowing yourself and obnoxiously arrogant. And no, it’s not that much of a “fine line”.  It’s actually quite clear-cut most of the time, to others, and also to your inner self, that is, if there’s actually reflection done.

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Twilight Ramble

This weekend’s a special opportunity.

Even though I try not to put too much emphasis on it, I still somehow see my birthday as a day of indulgence of all sorts. So this year, when my family’s away in Bali, I self-declared the start of my weekend on Friday night, the last moments of my birth day, by attempting to stakeout by Starbucks till morning.

Which is also why I’m writing this using Starbucks’ wifi, instead of moulding in the comforts of my own room. Also because I’m alone at home and there’s no government (read: Hokkien – bo zheng hu) so I’m taking the chance to things my parents would not easily agree to i.e. camping at an overpriced cafe alone. Talk about gaining another year with maturity HAHAHA.

Now come to think of it, I’m probably experiencing many introverts’ dream situation to be in: alone, undisturbed in a corner with a whole night of solo activities. What a present~

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19 May 2015: I’m coming back

It’s been a while since I’ve sat down to type proper content. During this period of absence, there are many things that I can hold accountable for my long disappearance.

Being Busy.

Losing the Creativity.

Losing the Motivation.

Forgetting one of the earliest purposes of setting up this space: for me to not lose touch with writing.

For a while now I’ve been thinking of making a formal comeback to hype myself back into the joys of expressions through words, but have never gotten around to doing it (read: procrastination)

BUT TODAY. I’ll make a pact to write regularly. The day that I officially graduate from polytechnic, and also the day my university acceptance letter arrived. The day where I restart recording my words.

In other news: I was so pumped up with energy even after a day of events when I received my university letter, that I trashed the letter onto the ground.

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Harmonious Short Cover

The very moment I heard this Outro theme from Aldnoah.Zero’s ep. 23, I thought to myself “I’ve gotta cover this.”

Mainly because I’m a sucker for melodies that are from OSTs and now have actual lyrics to them and also because of how the lyrics paint a picture of what Asseylum imagines the world to be (which doesn’t seem very achievable at this point of time in the show).

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The bittersweet feeling after exams

29 August 2014, 1 am.
I’m lying in bed, desperately attempting to ignore my itchy eyes and senses, trying to get back some sleep that I didn’t do too well with this week due to exams.

Then it hits me again. The deep thought moment.

It could jolly well be caused by my unusual sleep routine this week, or the fact that I have so many miscellaneous tasks awaiting my return when I face my 7-weeks holiday ‘tomorrow’, but I can’t seem to fall asleep now. In fact, I’m pretty much wide awake.

While I’m relieved that I finished my papers, it also occurs to me that I have officially finished my 2nd last semester in poly. It’s causing me to feel bouts of happiness and sadness. Happy, because I do a mini retrospect into what I’ve done this few months and rejoice that I’ve passed all the projects and personal challenges and commitments. Sad, because I’m closer to graduate. Not that I don’t want to receive my certificate to commemorate all I’ve done, but that I don’t want to leave my classmates. My cca. My school.

I’m absolutely looking forward to my next semester with my psychology specialization, but I don’t want to stop going for the marketing modules and lectures this semester.

My head runs through the things that I’ve done through a checklist of what I had originally planned to achieve. Not exactly the same, a little surprising, but still wholesome. What now, can I accomplish in the next semester? I’m running out of time.

What are some of the other things that you want to do because you’ll be excused as a student? What other student benefits do you want to take opportunity of? What are some of the clothes that you wanted to wear to school because it’s the only place wear you can dress up a little weirdly and feel normal? Who do you still want to talk to and just genuinely make friends with? What are some of the things that you still have to do in crusade ministry? What are the tasks that you want to do as the treasurer or as part of the main committee? What are the mistakes that you want to try avoiding when you’re still 19? How about the wild things that you want to try?
How do you stop this bittersweet feeling? How do you stop regretting things you did or didn’t do?

I probably need some quiet time to organize my thoughts.

In other news, my eyes have stopped itching and I’m at least a little bit closer to falling into dreamland.

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I got the closest I could to watching Kalafina Live –

– Through Niconico live streams. And the very moment they started performed the song from their latest unreleased single Heavenly Blue, I literally started bouncing in my seat over-excitedly.

Good thing I timeshifted it beforehand HAHA

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Just another Frozen reference.

Just another proof of how well-known Frozen is: Impromptu cover by one of Japan’s popular idol groups: Momoiro Clover Z.

(Fast forward to 55:36)

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June 10, 2014 · 1:12 am