29 August 2014, 1 am.
I’m lying in bed, desperately attempting to ignore my itchy eyes and senses, trying to get back some sleep that I didn’t do too well with this week due to exams.
Then it hits me again. The deep thought moment.
It could jolly well be caused by my unusual sleep routine this week, or the fact that I have so many miscellaneous tasks awaiting my return when I face my 7-weeks holiday ‘tomorrow’, but I can’t seem to fall asleep now. In fact, I’m pretty much wide awake.
While I’m relieved that I finished my papers, it also occurs to me that I have officially finished my 2nd last semester in poly. It’s causing me to feel bouts of happiness and sadness. Happy, because I do a mini retrospect into what I’ve done this few months and rejoice that I’ve passed all the projects and personal challenges and commitments. Sad, because I’m closer to graduate. Not that I don’t want to receive my certificate to commemorate all I’ve done, but that I don’t want to leave my classmates. My cca. My school.
I’m absolutely looking forward to my next semester with my psychology specialization, but I don’t want to stop going for the marketing modules and lectures this semester.
My head runs through the things that I’ve done through a checklist of what I had originally planned to achieve. Not exactly the same, a little surprising, but still wholesome. What now, can I accomplish in the next semester? I’m running out of time.
What are some of the other things that you want to do because you’ll be excused as a student? What other student benefits do you want to take opportunity of? What are some of the clothes that you wanted to wear to school because it’s the only place wear you can dress up a little weirdly and feel normal? Who do you still want to talk to and just genuinely make friends with? What are some of the things that you still have to do in crusade ministry? What are the tasks that you want to do as the treasurer or as part of the main committee? What are the mistakes that you want to try avoiding when you’re still 19? How about the wild things that you want to try?
How do you stop this bittersweet feeling? How do you stop regretting things you did or didn’t do?
I probably need some quiet time to organize my thoughts.
In other news, my eyes have stopped itching and I’m at least a little bit closer to falling into dreamland.