“You’re not good enough.”

Just want to run

Just want to hide away

Close my eyes to your gaze

Just want to leave

Don’t want to hear them say

“You’re not good at this”

Today I checked my student mail after few days of being away from the internet and it utterly crushed my heart to realise that I’d be going for a two-months internship in my third year on study. The event that I was absolutely looking forward to for almost the whole year has been completely taken away, and I can blame no one else but myself, since it’s due to my mediocre grades that I caused.

My human nature tells me to blame it on the bad groupwork experience I had in my second semester of study, but I know that it was also due to my complacence. After all, didn’t my other group mate even do well enough to get a scholarship award? In retrospect I didn’t really bother to study also.

And for all this while, even though I had people offering help to me, I didn’t turn to them because I wanted to try doing things on my own. It seems like all this has just proven “you can’t do anything without anyone’s assistance.”

And so, I’ve lost greatest potential chance for me to pull up my GPA.

Dear God, is this a sign to cut down all my remaining distractions, like cosplay and the amount of anime series that I watch?Or to cut down on the fellow shipping sessions with Cru members?

But I want to thank you God, for assuring me so much that you are in control of the whole situation and you will guide me. I’ll put in more effort on my part to do my best because you gave me the chance to study, and also spend more time with you. Please also help me to not concentrate on how people will look at me, but on how to follow your instructions on this path that I’m struggling to walk, even though it seems easy. Thank you Lord Jesus, Amen.

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